The World Only I Know
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: This is the world only I know. Yes, I! The God of Conquest! Apparently...that's who I'm supposed to be. That's who this strange demon girl keeps calling me. Did I mention I accidentally signed this bogus contract? Now, I've got to help her capture these loose souls as if my life, and my head depend upon it because they do! If I don't honour their terms...I'm dead! NarutoxHarem!
1. Divine One

**A/N: Decided to put this in the drabble section after watching The World Only God Knows. Somehow, I thought it would just funny in the Naruto setting and what's more...if the girls didn't forget all the effort he put into seducing them in the first place! Some said I ought to just create a fic where I can dump all my ideas. And to be frank, I just might do that. I...need to get them out of my head! They're interfering with my other fics! Just the other day I found myself on a 500+ word writing spree in the middle of writing the next chapter Convergence! Do you have any idea how odd that was?! *Takes deep breath* Sorry about that, I am just getting really, REALLY frustrated with myself. Now, with my bitching and whining out of the way, I proudly present...**

**...The World Only I know!**

_"The world only I know...yes I! Because I am a god! The God of Conquest...yeah, right!"_

_~?_

**Divine One**

Night had finally come to Konoha. Night had finally come, for Uzumaki Naruto.

It had been a long day, all things considered. A strange, unthinkable day. Because today, he'd done the unthinkable; he'd wooed a woman. Kissed her. Wormed his way into her heart in less than twenty-four hours as simple as could be, and come dangerously close to losing his virginity as a consequence. Yes, today had been a very, strange, otherwordly day. And from the look of it, from the noise emanating from this apartment, it would prove to be a most a very interesting night as well...

Kami wasn't quite finished with him just yet.

* * *

"Is there something wrong, Kami-sama?"

Uzumaki Naruto scrubbed at his eyes with the back of a hand and struggled to ignore those words, simultaneously grappling with the crushing wave of vertigo and nausea the act elicited. _Deep breaths, Naruto._ He told himself. _You can't afford to freak out here. Just because there's a half-naked girl sitting on your bed...oh for the love of kami!_ Despite the mental command he found his breath hastening, his heart pounding, promising to explode from his chest if he didn't do something to calm himself down soon. Mentally, he reviewed the events of the day:

What the hell had happened?_ Okay, lets review_, he held up the fingers of his hand and began to count off,_ 'First, I got pissed off at Ero-Senin. Bastard was too buy peeking to train me! Second, he made me a deal; if I could succsessfully steal the Scroll of Sealing a second time, and bring it back to him, he'd teach me the most powerful jutsu he knew. I managed to steal a scroll but..._

_..._

Left eye twitching, the recently returned genin directed his gaze toward the girl sitting in his bed, glaring bloody red daggers at his apartment's newest tenant. She returned his gaze and waved, blissfully ignorant of the raging arguement in the blonde's head _How the hell did **this** happen?!_ Naruto wracked his brain, struggling to retrace his steps to this very moment. _Now, where was I? Ah, yes. I..."borrowed" that scroll. That was easy enough for me after I knocked Baa-chan out with my new sexy technique. But that still doesn't explain..._

He stole another glace at the girl.

_...how the hell she got here!_

She was the strangest girl he'd ever seen in his entirelife. This coming from a boy who'd seen Mitarashi Anko, mind you! That one wore an awful lot of fishnet. But not this one. If anything, _she_ was stranger still! Raven hair bound back in a ponytail beside a skull pin framed a heart-shaped face, from which light, violet eyes shone. The combination of those colors alone would've held him with little trouble. But it was her attire that held him, rooted him; leaving his eyes roaming over her short violet kimono/skirt, light-purple toeless long socks and wooden sandals. She couldn't have been more than seventeen years old.

Unbidden, Konoha's number one knuckle-headed ninja found his gaze drifting upward. Drinking in her every other feature, the oh-so subtle manner in which her fingers curled around the broom in her hands-_wait, that broom?!-_to the long fingerless gloves wrapped around those fingers right down to the sleeveless top, meshing with her curves in all the right places, the like of which he'd never seen. He even caught himself staring at her breasts_-damn you to hell ero-senin!-_jutting out prominently from within her strangely cut kimono. And then there was the matter of the strange pink cloth, wound around her shoulders.

She was...kinda cute. In a boneheaded, little sister way.

"I can't believe we did it!" She beamed at him. "We actually captured a loose soul!"

Naruto shivered at that. At the memory of what he'd had to do just to capture said soul.

"I'm dreaming." He told himself, shaking all over. "Yes, that's it. I've been training too hard and I haven't gotten enough sleep, so I must be dreaming...

He flung himself back on the bed and closed his eyes. Yes this was a dream. A terrible awful dream, one he'd awaken from any second...

Ba-dump.

Something soft pressed against his face. Naruto started awake with a cry, jerking upward.

"Hmm," the girl was peering down at him, her hand pressed against his forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever, divine one. Are you sure you're not feeling well?"

"Stop calling me Divine One, Elsie!" Naruto growled, slapping her hand away and thrusting a finger at the now named Elsie. "I'm still pissed!"

"Then...can I call you Kami-nii-sama?"

"What-no!" Naruto shouted. "Why the hell would I let you call me that?!"

Elsie snifled.

"Kami-sama...you're so mean...

"Aaargh!" The genin groaned as fresh tears welled up in her eyes. "Stop!" Then, more gently. "Stop." He scooted forward and reluctantly pulled the girl into his chest, knowing by now she wouldn't stop crying unless he did something about it, something like this. And it worked. The moment he pulled the quivering girl into his arms, she fell quiet. "If I let you call me Kami-Nii-sami, will you stop crying?" Naruto asked. Elsie nodded into his chest, softly, meekly. Naruto released her. After less than twenty-four hours together he'd already learned how to assauge the girl.

"You done crying now?" he asked, pointedly.

"H-Hai!" Elsie brightened at once beneath his words and his hand upon her shoulder. "Kami-nii-sama! You're much nicer than my last nii-sama!"

"Ha?"

Elsie tentatively tented her fingers.

"N-Nevermind...

Naruto's only response was to groan and tug at the collar around his neck, in the hopes that his feigned slumber had loosened it somehow. Once more, the effort proved to be futile. _Damnit. Damnit it all to hell! I can't believe I got myself into this mess! Getting stuck with this collar, with a demoness, being forced to hunt down these loose souls of hers..._

He thought back on it; his first foolish mistake that led him to this...

* * *

_(Flashback/Reminisce)_

Instead of bringing the scroll straight to Jiraiya as he'd been instructed Naruto had instead brought it back home to his apartment. His reasoning had been sound, or so he had thought. If he'd gleamed something as awesome as the kage bunshin the first time, then who knew what else he might learn from another peek? The moment he opened the scroll, however, he knew he had 'borrowed' the wrong one. For starters it was a great deal _smaller_ than he remembered, though he'd attributed that to his own growth at the time. He'd barely been a boy the first time he stole it.

It was also marked with strange, cartoonish skulls, as if someone had drawn upon them,. Funny. He didn't remember the scroll ooking like that, either. If **that** hadn't been warning enough, as if his own growing sense of dread weren't enough to warn him, he'd still decided to open it. There were no earth-shattering secrets scrawled within. No devastating ninjutsu that could shape the very world as he saw fit. Not a single unbeatable, unblockable taijutsu technique. Nor an unbreakable mind-bending genjutsu. Written within was a simple, if archaic message:

_Dear God of Conquest, otherwise known as the Yondaime Hokage,_

_I've heard that you can conquer any woman. On the the off-chance that this is true, I have a girl for you._

_P.S._

_Don't sign with your blood if you can't do it._

_Sincerely,_

_Dokuro Skull._

"Who would sign such a stupid thing?" Naruto was less than amused by the words. This letter was obviously meant for the Yondaime! He scoffed and began to roll up the piece of parchment, preparing to return it to the tower. He'd just have to apologize to Tsunade-baachan and...ouch! The sixteen year old genin winced as the smooth parchment slid across his thumb, opening a thin slice across the skin. A lone drop of blood slipped off the ridge of his thumb before his regenerative capabilites kicked in, plummeting straight toward the floor. Time seemed to slow. Everything froze as that stray droplet of blood landed dead center upon the dotted liine of the scroll, the very same scroll he'd refused to sigh, moments before. He watched, dumbstruck, as that single drop of blood scrawled across the line, forming his name in shades of scarlet.

_Oh boy._

The moment that happened_-brilliant move, bonehead!-_ a storm erupted in Naruto's apartment. There could be no other word for it. Purple light strobed across the blonde's eyes, tossing his belongings wildly about, hurtling _him_ back across the bed as though he'd been caught in the midst of a hurricane. He could only look on aghast, as that light took on human shape as a female figure took form; revealing the very same girl currently sitting pretty on his bed, bearing said broom _and _said piece of strange floating cloth!

"Thank you for signing the contract Kami-sama." The girl had said as she bowed in respect. Well then…" the girl said as she grabbed his hand and took him outside. "Let's go hunting for some loose souls!" she said that happily enough, and that, was the only reason the blond let his guard down. The next thing he knew they were flying_-flying?!-_hurtling through the village at a breakneck pace that threatened to snap the genin's neck in twine, were he not holding to her hand. The landscape melted into a blur of color, and the next thing he knew-

_Ground._

Naruto yelped in surprise as the girl abruptly released his hand, the sudden momentum sending him sprawling. Wait a second! His training kicked in and turned his haphazard flight into a roll, and the roll into a three-point stance, his left hand spread for balance. That was when the vertigo kicked in. He stole a glance over his shoulder, alarmed to find the entire village spread out below them. Ha?! They were standing on top of the Stone Faces?! How had they gotten here so quickly? That was impossible, even for a shinobi! No amount of training could have prepared him for this!

_Oh god...I think I'm going to be sick..._

Naruto sank to his knees, chest having, struggling to recover from the sudden flight and equally abrupt landing. His mind knew he was safe, but his body instinctivey railed against it. His stomach heaved and he bitterly bit down on the bile threatening to tear up his throat. No! None of that! He wasn't about to hyperventilate and lose his lunch merely because he didn't understand what was going on! Absolutely not! Steeling himself, he dragged himself to his feet, turned his gaze toward the strange, broom-wielding girl.

"Alright," Naruto said as he pointed a finger to her. "Who the hell are you?"

The girl gave him a smile that could've split sunbeams.

"My name is Elucia de Lute Ima, but everyone calls me Elsie. I am a devil from hell that was dispatched as a part of the "Loose Souls Team." She held her broom low before her waist and bowed to him. "Its an honor to finally meet you, Divine One!" The newly named Elsie rattled all this off before Naruto could even hope to interrupt her. Now, he merely gawped.

"What…is this about?" Naruto thought to himself, unable to come to terms.. A devil? Hell? Soul Collecting forces? This doesn't make any sense! And she certainly didn't look like a devil!

"Um...Elise, was it?"

"Hai?"

"Are you really a devil?"

"Hai!" She chirruped happily. "I'm only three hundred years old!"

Naruto's sanity points promptly dropped to zero. Three...hundred...years...old. Ha. Hahahahaha!

Eventually, he came to a decision.

"I've got a mission today, better get ready." Naruto said to himself as turned in the opposite direction, descending the staircase, prepared to return to his apartment and pick up the pieces of what was turning out to be a very, very trange day.

"Be careful Kami-sama, or else you might lose your head."

Naruto froze, rooted in place by her words.

"My head?" Naruto asked as he placed a hand on his throat noticing there was some weird collar on his neck. "What the heck? What's with this collar?" Naruto asked as Elsie began to explain to him. "You see, you made a contract with the devils, didn't you see it? It was sent by my chief, Dokurou." Elsie said as Naruto tried to recall what he had until he remembered the drop of blood, much to his horror.

"Contracts in hell are very strict, so you'll need to be careful. If you fail to meet the conditions or break the contract without permission, the collar will activate and…" Elsie trailed off, and the next line she uttered would be forever burned in Naruto's memory forevermore. "You'll lose your head." Elsie finished.

The result was thus: Narutp panicked! He dug his fingers into the device around his neck, frantically trying to pry the device off him. "Don't mess with me! Take it off!" He hollered as he continued to try and pry the foul device from his neck, but to no avail. The collar held fast and firm, despite his best efforts to remove it.

"It'll be fine!" Elsie reassured him with another heartbreaking smil. "Once we round up the loose souls, it'll be removed!"

"Loose Souls?"

"Hai!" Elsie nodded. "Loose souls are evil souls that escaped from hell. They've come to the surface to commit more evil acts. Its my job to find and capture them!"

"Then go capture them!" Naruto shouted! "I don't see what you need me for!" He was seriously starting to freak out here!

"Well...its not that simple." the demon-girl replied. "After all, loose souls hide in the heart."

There was a silence.

"Within the heart?"

Naruto's left eye twitched.

"How are you supposed to capture them then?!"

"That's why we need the assistance of a human "buddy" Elsie chimed. "In other words, you'll just have to take its place in her heart." Naruto bristled. _Take its place in her heart?_ He didn't like where this was going! Not a bit! But still he listened, the gears of his mind slowly churning, clicking together as Elsie continued, "Then the loose soul will be forced to leave. And the best way to insert yourself into her heart...is to make her fall in love with you!"

"Wait a second!" Naruto frowned. "You...You just said _her,_ didn't you?"

"Hai! Loose souls prefer the hearts of young women!"

"Oi oi...you're not telling me to...

...conquer a real girl, hai!" Elsie finished for the blond. "It should be easy for you, kami-sama!"

"Ha?!"

Mistaking his dismay for something else, the demoness flushed and tented her fingers, the gesture strangely reminiscent of a certain Hyuuga he knew.

"Um...well...a kiss would suffice. I-I suppose you could do more if you wanted..."

"You moron!" Naruto seized Elsie by the shoulders! "You got this totally wrong! I signed that damned contract by accident, do you hear me? Accident! I'm no conqueror of women! T've never even held hands with a real girl in my life!" His words rent the air between them like a thunderbolt. Any and all amusement in those lovely puple orbs died, the instant he let go of her shoulders. The broom dropped from Elsie's hands, clattering to the floor with a soft rattle. Unbidden, tears welled up in her soft magenta eyes. Just as he'd done moments before, the girl sank to her knees, only this time, she began to bawl.

"That's awful...just awful, divine one!" Elsie sobbed sotly, vainly scrubbing at her eyes. "I had no idea you'd signed the contract by accident!"

"Don't rub it in!" Naruto growled, touching a hand to the collar round his neck. "Anyway now that that's cleared this up, get this collar off me." He was just beginning to think this might turn out alright after all. Alas, his hopes were irrevocably dashed by her response:

"I'm sorry. I...I can't do that!"

_"What?!"_

Elsie raised her gaze then, and then, _only then_ did Naruto see it. The same purple collar bound around his neck...encircled hers as well. Pulsating softly, glowing a light violet as her frail fingers clutched at it. Blue eyes bulged with incomprehension, a sickening realization dawning within them. He knew what the demoness was about to say, but even so, found himself numbed by her words, by her tears all the same. The poor girl was absolutely terrifed, heartbroken beyond belief.

"To make up for it, I'll die with you...we're both bound by the contract...when the buddy dies, the demon also loses her head." She snifled softly, struggling against the waterworks threatening to come. "This is just like before, only worse! Waaah!"

"Oi...c'mon...stop crying...

"I'm doomed!" Elsie continued to sob. "There's absolutely nothing I can do and I...I...

Naruto really couldn't blame himself for what happened next. He couldn't think straight. So when he embraced Elsie, when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head into his chest, it was just to shut her up for a little while. Right. Had to keep telling himself that, even as he felt her bossom, pressed tight against his chest. All the while a single thought raced through his mind._ I am not a pervert, I'm not a pervert I'm not a pervert...I swear to god, I'm not a pervert_

"Kami-sama?" Elsie word were muffled, soft against him. She raised her gaze from his chest, tears still dangling from her lashes like dewdrops on a leaf. "What're you-

"I'll do it."

"?"

"If its your head on the line...I'll do it." Naruto was cursing himself even as he spoke, but he pressed on. "I'll help you capture these loose souls. I won't let you loose your head...I swear on my nindo!"

"Nani?"

The slow flushing of Naruto's face put his jinchuuriki cloak to shame.

"Baka yarou, Kono yarou!"

"Huh?"

"I said I'll help you, demon girl!"

"My name isn't demon girl!" Elsie puffed out her cheeks angrily. "It's Elsie!"

"Whatever!"

"So you'll really help me?"

"I said I wouldn't didn't I?" Naruto groused. It wasn't as though he'd much of a choice, though. Honestly, why did his life have to be on the line?!

"Yatta!"

Naruto grunted as the demoness swooped forward to embrace him, throwing her slender arms around his neck. Blue eyes flew wide open.

"Ahahaha...Elise?"

"Kami-sama?"

"You're...erm...kinda close?"

Scarce had he spoken than the strange skull emblem on the her head began to flash, its eyes glowing an eerie red. Naruto blinked his surprise as a high-pitched alarm squealed out:

**DORODORODORODORO!**

"H-Here it is, Kami-sama!" Elsie danced away from him, her face burning brighter than the brightest star. "Here comes a loose soul! Th-This way!" Naruto watched as the demoness darted toward the very edge of the stone faces, eyes aglitter with excitment. Tsking, he'd no choice but to followed after her; looking down upon the populace below, searching for this girl, following Elise's gaze. Inwardly his mind raced. He had no idea how he was suppoed to worm his way into a girl's heart let alone get them to love him. After all, he loved Sakura-chan...right? He'd been conflicted on that matter for quite some time now...

Shaking his head, desperate to dispel the thoughts of his teammate, Naruto instead risked a glance at Elsie. She caught him staring and smiled that sunny smile of hers. Honestly, how could ths girl be a demon? Naruto just didn't get it. But he couldn't very well stand by and let the little demoness lose her head now, could he? After all, their lives were on the line! Chastising himself for the slip, the geniin once more turned his attention to the populace below.

"I don't see how you can see anyone down there...

"Then lets take a closer look!"

_Not again! _Naruto wanted to exclaim aghast as Elsie grabbed him by the hand slung herself onto the broom and descended to the streets below. At least he assumed this was her intent. When the demoness leveled out and laid him out upon a nearby rooftop, he heaved a relieved sigh. Shinobi or not, he'd never get used to that...

"There!" Elise thrust a finger forward! "That one! Out in front! That's her!"

Naruto's jaw hung open.

...you...

...you have got to be kidding me?!"

**A/N: For those who didn't get the point, this takes place during Shippuden, but the setting is obviously AU. There's quite a few "loose souls" fluttering around this world. And now, if you're at all familiar with the plot of the World Only God Knows, you know what's coming next! Be sure to vote for whom the first girl, as well as the rest, should be! Sadly with that, Im off to work once again. Have to pay the bills somehow! So, in the immortal words of Atlas...**

**...review, would you kindly?**

**R&R! =D**


	2. Accursed

**A/N: I've finished watching the World Only God Knows. And I just have to say...60,000 loose souls?! Eh?! There aren't anywhere near that many girls in Naruto! So we'll have to cut the number off somewhere, but the question is...where? I'm not sure how many girls ought to be in the first harem-I'll need your reviews for that-but after tallying the first series of votes, we have Naruto's first victim-erm, girl that he has to seduce. Who is she? Read on to find out! In the next, humorous, delightful chapter of...**

**...the World Only I know! Warning! Amusement and sexiness in this chapter! **

_"Why does it have to be her...of all people?!_

_~Uzumaki Naruto (Soon-to-be God of Conquest)_

**Accursed**

"Oi oi oi...

Naruto was frowning, arms folded before his chest. He refused to accept this! Refused to believe that this person, of all people, held a loose soul! Why the devil did it have to be her?! He'd would've _gladly_ accepted anyone else: Shizune-neechan, Grandma Tsunade, hell, even that crazy chick Karin! And he was _related_ to the latter! But he simply could not _would not_ accept that this woman_-this evil demon-_had one of the loose souls nestling in her heart. As if she had one to begin with! Dear kami...Why did it have to be her..._of all people?!_

"Alright, Kami-nii-sama, go get her!" Elsie beamed, blissfully unaware of the turmoil raging with the head of her divine brother.

"Absolutely not!" he exclaimed abruptly, crossing his arms in an X-shaped formation.

"Heh?! Why not?!

"Let me tell you something interesting, Elsie!" Naruto held uncrossed his arms and held up a hand, counting off on his fingers, one by one. "That woman down there is _evil._ She delights in pain and suffering, particularly mine! Oni! Akuma! Demon! Nay, she is worse than all those names combined! She is a no good _baka devil woman_ who would sooner rip out my heart and _eat it_ rather than so much as speak to me! Do you understand now, Elsie?"

"So...she's a demon?!" the demoness abruptly brightened, stars shining in her eyes. "An actual demon, like me?! Maybe I should talk to her! I wonder if she likes fire engines...

Naruto promptly face vaulted.

_**"EL-S-IE!"**_

"Wah!" The brunette covered her head with her hands and cowered before the her divine brother's wrath. "Sumimasen!"

"Honnestly, I can't believe I actually have to do something like this," Naruto groused as his "little sister" slowly recovered. "I don't know jack when it comes to women! Sakura-chan always beat me up whenever I tried to ask her out when we were kids so I stopped asking a long time ago...beyond that I've got nothing!"

"B-But Kami-sama," Elsie pleaded, "if you don't do something, we'll both lose our heads...

There was a silence. Then:

_"Aaargh!"_

* * *

Mitarashi Anko was partaking in her favourite activity when she realized something was wrong. Her favourite activity, you ask? Dango. Eating Dango, to be precise. Having just completed one of-_if not the-_most difficult missions of her carreer, she'd decided to treat herself to her...well, her favoirte treat! Being in such a boisterous mood had its benefits; she was feeling particularly generous at the moment, and with an excess of funds to spread around, she wouldn't have minded treating someone _anyone_ to a bit of dango and sake.

Of course, that was before she realized it; that she was being watched.

She'd felt a prescence following her for some time now, and at first she'd dismissed it as just that; nerves from being on a month-long mission. _Must've been gone too long,_ she surmised, sipping at her saucer. _Yeah, it must be that. Gotta be. _She grimaced as the sake warmed her belly. _Just need ta relax..._

That was when she saw him. Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto. Poor kid, he looked like he'd just swallowed a frog! Which was quite likely, given his tutelage under Jiraiya-sama. Anko snickered at the thought. She was amazed the boy hadn't become a pervert yet...although maybe he had, judging by the grand crimson color flushing his cheeks. And he was headed her way. A slow, sinister smile wreathed the tan features of her face. Oooh, it was just too good to pass up; this idea that began to build in the back of her mind.

_Time for some fun._

"Hey squirt!" She grinned, waving him over. "C'mere! Have a seat!" Although they hadn't exactly been on the best of terms during the Chunin Exams, she'd taken an ever growing interest in the boy over the course of his career as the "number one knuckle-headed ninja" of the village hidden in the leaves. He'd been born an orphan, much like herself and deep down, she empathized with him. That didn't mean Mitarashi wasn't above getting him drunk off his ass just for kicks, though. If it meant spilling some of those secrets...

...then she'd gladly make an ass out of him one last time.

"Drink up!" She pushed a saucer of sake into his hands as he reluctantly took the seat beside her. "On me!"

...I'm too young to drink sake." he protested weakly. "Look, I just wanted to talk-

"Puh-lease!" The jounin refused to take no for an answer. "You'll be an adult before you know it! Now drink! Talking comes later!"

Naruto warily raised the saucer to his lips...

* * *

...and several hours later, was only _just_ beginning to comprehend the enormity of his mistake.

Initially, he'd thought to approach Anko, maybe _try_ to talk to her. He hadn't expected her to invite him for a midday drink, let alone some dango. One drink had led to another and another and still another, and now he found himself hunched halfway over the counter, clinging to it like a shipwrecked sailor, groaning. He was beginning to sorely regret his decision; beginning to wonder why he'd even bothered to approach Anko to begin with in the first place. Somehow, someway, the special jounin always seemed to make an ass of him whenever-wherever-she showed up, without fail.

Today was no exception.

Now the genin could barely think straight, let alone hold a conversation. And what's more he found himself staring. At Anko. Not at her face however, but lower. Much lower. Thanks to his unceremonious faceplant upon the counter, he was dangerously eye-level with the kunoichi's breasts, a fact that she took to harping him on.

"My eyes are up here, kid."

...shaddap."

Elsie nervously peeked around the corner, awed by her divine brother's determination. He was willing to drink this much, just so she wouldn't lose her head? She silently pumped a fist in the air, cheering him on.

"Kami-nii-sama! Fight!,

Naruto glared bloody red daggers at his "helluva little sister" out of the corner of his eye.

"I hate you." He hissed beneath his breath. "I freakin' hate yoouuuu...

"Ara? You talkin' to me?" Anko laughed, knocking back another saucer. "You only have yourself to blame if you can't hold your liquor!"

Naruto opened his mouth to retort and promptly snapped it shut as he felt his stomach threaten to heave. _Shit._ He couldn't tell Anko about the loose soul or he'd lose what little progress he'd already made. Elsie had been vehement that people were not meant to know of their existence, so it wasn't like he could just blurt out: "Hey, you've got a loose soul in ya, so fall for me already, ya know?" God only knew it whether it would make his job easier...or ten times harder! At this rate, he really was going to lose his head! Absently, he touched the collar at his throat, wincing at the thought. And then suddenly there was anger. _Kuso!_ Why did he have to suffer this much?! All because he'd opened that stupid scroll! Because of that, Mitarashi Anko was once more making a damned fool of him in public. And he was damn sick of it! His fury grew, the collar at his neck the source of all this misfortune; the whetstone to sharpen his rage. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!

_I...am seriously getting pissed off right now...!_

Beneath his closed lids, sapphire snapped into scarlet. Beneath his skin, _within his stomach,_ a certain kitsune grinned, bearing row upon row teeth, fangs sharpened in a sardonic smile as he feeding his host a tendril of crimson chakra; a veritable lifeline to him in his drunken stupor, and the genin desperately clutched at it. _This was going to be good. _He cackled as the hands of his jailor gripped the counter; hard enough to leave deep furrows in the wood. Cackled, as the boy chewed on his lower and drew blood, his sharpened canines proving too sharp for his mouth. He didn't even bother to assert his will through their shared link. The boy was riled beyond belief, riled enough to do something he'd normally never have done.

...neh, Mitarashi-san."

"Ha?" Anko blinked, surprised by the youth's sudden lack of formality. "What's up-_mmph!"_ She gawped as the blonde's body jerked upright, pupils blazing bright, eyes slitted. Without pause, without thought, without so much as a single syllable, his arm snaked out and took her by the chin, forcing her to look at him.

Mitarashi tried to wrench her face aside, but to no availl; the blonde's sudden surge of strength more than accounted for her own. She was forced to face him, forced to stare into his eyes, those cruel crimson orbs boring into her own hazel. For her brief effort she was rewarded with the slightest sight of that scintilating scarlet shades and then her words were taken away. She found herself subsuquently silenced as he angrily mashed his mouth against her mouth, lips moving over hers in a furious, awkward kiss, his hand claiming a fistful of her derriere. Anko squealed in surprise and bit his lip. _Hard._ Naruto jerked backward with a gasp, cheeks burning. And then, for bettter or worse...

...it was done.

* * *

_W-W-W-What the hell was that?!_ Mitarashi Anko was left reeling from the sudden and abrupt liplock, unable to come to terms with what had just occurred. Her lips still tingled from where he'd kissed her, and she could taste blood in her mouth. Not her blood per se, but it was definitely blood. His blood? She vaguely remembered biting him. It'd been a kneejerk reaction-that was the first time someone had caught her so unawares, so unguared, so easily. Anko swore it would be the last. No one took advantage of her like that and lived to tell the tale! No one! Especially not some snot-nosed brat!

The special jounin ruthlessly knocked back another saucer of sake, wincing as the burning liquid scalded her throat and warmed her belly for the upteenth time. She had the succint feeling she'd be needing many more by the time this was over...

When she finally spoke, her voice was darker than the pits of hell themselves.

_"Gaki..._

* * *

"Gaki...

Naruto felt the blood drain from his face; he knew that tone. He was dead. Deceased. Ceased to be! What the hell was I thinking?! He swore at himself, cursing his indefatigable temper for getting the better of him. He had just been so pissed off...and once again he hadn't thought things through. She was going to kill him! Flay him alive! Gulping, the genin made every effort to look anywhere but at her, instead seeking out the dango vendor. With good reason! His tenant's chakra hadn't lasted more than the span of two beats, just long enough for him to make a complete ass of himself! Now, he could feel her killer intent, could _see_ her going for the kunai out of the corner of his eye.

He needed a distraction, asap! Frantic, his mind seized upon the first thing he saw.

"Seconds!"

* * *

"Seconds!" The blond bellowed, briefly startling Anko into silence for a second time as he slammed his saucer down with enough force to shatter the glass. The terrfied dango vendor scurried to obey, eager to satisfy this frightening customer, leaving the two of them alone. Anko watched him for a moment longer, fingering the kunai in her trenchcoat pocket, trying to decide whether or not she should use it. Regardless, the boy's outbrust had startled her; mere moments before kissing her he'd been clutching the counter like a lifeline, green in the face. Now, it was as if he hadn't drank so much as a drop of alchohol. She continued to simmer as she stared at him; as he continued to ignore her._ Damn but he could put them away!_

Anko...well, she lacked such an advantage. The way he was knocking them back was certainly admirable though...yosh, that settled it! She was still going to kill him, but _before_ she killed him, she'd ascertain why he'd kissed her in the first place. It wasn't because she liked him and she _certainly_ hadn't enjoyed that kiss from him...alright, maybe a little? Okay...a lot. An awful lot! She'd _loved_ the way he taken control of her, claiming her lips and her ass as his own, barely even flinching when she'd bit him to teach him a lesson. She wouldn't mind teaching the boy another more 'inimate' lesson in private, however...

_Oh kami I hope that was just the sake talking, please let that be the sake talking..._

There was no way..._there was just no freakin' way she could be falling for this kid!_

"Oi, gaki!" Anko reached out to slap the boy on the back, struggling to contain the tremor in her voice. "B-Before I kill you, I want you to do something for me."

Naruto blanched, but kept right on drinking.

"Gaki!"

Mitarashi slapped him on the back. Harder than before. Naruto gagged, somehow managing to swallow his drink. Even then he refused to face her. _Enough! _Anko growled and spun him around in his seat, grabbed him by both shoulders and held him fast. She had to be certain. She wanted to be. She needed to.

"I want you to kiss me again."

Naruto made every effort to look away as she laid her forehead to rest against his.

"Now wait just a second...

"Are ya deaf or something?" Anko leaned forward with intent. "I told ya to kiss me again, chibi! That shouldn't be so hard, right?"

"I...well...

"Moh, just shut up and take responsibility!"

She did the exact opposite of what she'd intended; instead of beating the brat senseless, she grabbed him by the jacket and kissed him again, this time daring to move her lips over his own, reveling in his shock, and surprise. _Mmhm._ She smiled into his mouth and pushed her tongue past his parted lips, daring him to object, to respond, moaning as he did the latter. He tasted like sake of course-_that was to be expected given that copious amount of drinking he'd done-_but there was the lingering taste of dango and ramen as well. Delicious. Anko hadn't enjoyed someone this much since Kakashi, and even then her fellow jounin had been far too keen on that evil orange book of his to pay any real attention to her.

Naruto...this boy who'd grown before her eyes over the years...well, she wouldn't say he was that different, but at least he didn't have porn to distract him when he had an able and willing woman in front of him. Anko would've laughed had her mouth not been preoccupied. The boy wasn't that good of a kisser-obviously he lacked experienced-but it was almost cute, his fumbling attempts to place his hands upon her at the risk of her wrath flaring up at his touch. When his fingers finally settled upon her back

She was still struggling to surmise his exact intent when she first felt it; as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, leaving her feeing light as a feather. Strange. She paid it no mind, carefully ignoring the looks the vendor gave her; the surprise and incredulity as she made out with a boy several years her junior. Kami preserve her! She _was_ falling for him! It took everything Mitarashi had to pull herself away and not take him right then and there...but she had a means to remedy that.

"Why don't we go back to my place?" She purred in his ear, enjoying the grand crimson color of his face. "It's so crowded here and I'm getting _so_ hot...

_Lie!_ Naruto's subconcsious screamed, even as the demon in his stomach roared its approval. He wasn't ready for that just yet! _Lie like you've never lied before!_

"I...um...I have to go help an old lady cross the street...

"Suit yourself." Anko shrugged, a knowing gleam in her eye. "But tomorrow...you're all mine, gaki. Got that? No ifs ands or buts about it!" She stood and shoved him off the stool and Naruto, too stunned to do anything else but blink, allowed himself to fall. Ground. Stars_-whole planets an glorious galaxies-_exploded before his vision, leaving him deafened and dumb. Unable, unwilling to do anything else and so he lay there, until Elsie's feet finally filled his vision. He hazarded a glance up at her, and knew at once that he'd done something right; her smiling face was lik a ray of sunshine, dragging him from the crushing depths of his depression.

"Loose soul in custody!" the demoness chirruped happily, holding up a small jar containing what looked like blue smoke. "Good work, Kami-nii-sama!"

"So...that's a loose soul, huh?" he mused aloud, still struggling to reattach himself to reality. It felt like this was all a dream...one strange, wonderful dream...only it wasn't. He could still taste her lips on his, his fingers tingled where he'd dared to touch her, and his lip throbbed painfully where he had been bitten.

Woodenly, he allowed his "little sister" to help him to his feet.

"We've already captured one and it hasn't even been a day since you signed the contract!" She flung herself at him with a laugh, as only one hell of a little sister could. "You're the best, Kami-nii-sama! At this rate we'll be done in less than a decade!"

Naruto bristled.

"Oi...Elsie...

"Hai?"

"Just...how many loose souls are there?"

The demoness frowned, her brow creasing in thought.

"Well my last Kami-nii-sama captured a whole bunch, so, between just us. I'd say...about... ten thou-

"Oi! Gaki!"

Naruto gulped and risked a glance back at his senpai; only to find himself rooted in place. She was standing no more than a few yards up the street, just within shouting distance. As he looked on she smirked at him as only Mitarashi Anko could-so damn sexy! licking her lips laviciously. "Training ground eleven, first thing tomorrow! You'd better be there!" Without another word-nay, without even giving him time to protest, she turned and vanised in a body flicker, leaving the genin to stare after her, dumbstruck.

Elsie followed her brother's gaze and blinked, absently touching a finger to her forehead in forethought.

"That's strange," She mused. "It almost looks like she remembers you...but that's not possible, right? Everyone always loses their memories after the loose soul leaves their bodies...

**"I wouldn't count on that, wench." **He heard the darkened voice in his head and it was like flicking a switch; his panic went full tilt!

Naruto felt the blood rush to his ears. Oh god, they were supposed to forget?! Well Anko certainly hadn't! And to think, he had to do this with how many girls...?! It had taken him everything he had not to pass outright into the next world when Anko had kissed him. So much for being a heartless devil woman. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all...STOP! Stop stop stop! He firmly slammed a lid on that topic, before it could spread, but to no avail; they were in his head, crawling through his veins, mocking him with each and every second he thought of them. Anko wasn't the only one. There were many...many more...so many more...

_Dear god, what have I just done?_

**A/N: For those who didn't get the point, this takes place during Shippuden, but the setting is obviously AU. There's quite a few "loose souls" fluttering around this world. And now, if you're at all familiar with the plot of the World Only God Knows, you know what's coming next! Be sure to vote for whom the second girl, as well as the rest, should be! Sadly, with that, I am off to work once again. Have to pay the bills somehow! So, in the immortal words of Atlas...**

**...review, would you kindly? And tell me who the second girl should be! Remember, they keep their memories in this story! Methinks Kyuubi might be to blame for that. And in terms of age, Naruto and Anko are entirely legal in this story! He's seventeen going on eighteen and she...eh, what's her age again?**

**Be sure to review!**

**R&R! =D**


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